Woodson, Texas Ranger

   

Okay, so that's our coach, Mike Woodson, on the left. On the right is Steve Harvey. You *cannot* compete in the NBA with a coach that looks like Steve Harvey. Every time the camera cuts to him on the sideline, I chuckle a bit and then begin to softly weep. He doesn't exactly inspire confidence. Of course, there aren't many NBA coaches that would inspire confidence in me right now, but hey.

We lost a close one last night at Denver, with a few inspired efforts. Denver's offense looked much better than ours (or our defense looked bad), and they weren't even trying on defense. How many uncontested dunks did Josh 1 get last night? The Hawks' offense is nothing close to a well-oiled machine- it's more like the Tin Man stumbling home at 4 in the morning after an all night bender with the Lion.

So what am I getting at? I need a favor from Mike Woodson. I need a return to the intimidation factor. In short, I need the return of Mike's Chuck Norris beard that inspired more confidence than one fan should have. In fact, I want all the Hawks to grow beards. We'd be so grizzly that teams would get nervous playing us. We would be unstoppable, like Chuck Norris. While we're at it, change the name to the Atlanta Fighting Chuck Norrises (what's the plural for Norris, Norreese? Norri?). Has a ring to it, doesn't it?